David Pisarra: How Fathers Can Get More Time in Custody

Loving your children is not evidence. That is close to the first thing David Pisarra says to almost every father who walks into his office, because in family court "I'm a great dad" is what every parent says, and on its own it persuades no judge.

David Pisarra is a Los Angeles family law attorney who has spent more than 25 years representing fathers, and the author of Dad's Child Custody Action Plan. He runs Dad's Law School, an online community with video courses and weekly meetups where fathers learn how to present a case and, often as much, talk to each other. Chris hosted this conversation himself, stepping in for Lisa because the subject is one he lived through, and he is quick to say the tools apply to any parent, not only dads.

Pisarra teaches fathers to stop relying on sentiment and start building a record. He describes the dad's diary, a plain desk calendar where you log time with your child and staple the receipts, so that when a declaration is due months later, the proof is already gathered. His book's kid inventory, more than a hundred questions, forces a father to articulate what he actually knows about his child. And he reinforces a posture Chris and Lisa teach as well: be assertive, not aggressive. When the other parent throws accusations, you answer with objective evidence, the email counts, the calendar, the receipts, rather than matching their heat, because a judge who sees two people slinging mud tends to hand the children to whoever performed distress more convincingly.

The harder part is internal. Pisarra is candid about the shift a parent has to make, accepting that the person on the other side is not going to be reasoned into fairness, and he uses a deliberately absurd image, the rattlesnake you can't argue into becoming a vegetarian, to make it stick. He and Chris talk openly about what these cases do to fathers: the lost home, the drained accounts, the isolation, and the depression that too often turns dangerous when a man has no one to talk to. Pisarra's remedy is community and rebuilt self-esteem, because a father has to believe he is a good parent before he can convince a judge of it.

As always, this is strategic education, not legal or mental-health advice for your specific situation.

🎓 What you'll learn

• Why "I'm a great dad, I love my kids" is not evidence, and what a judge actually needs to hear
• The dad's diary: a simple calendar-and-receipts habit that writes your declaration for you
• The kid inventory: proving you know your child beyond the surface
• Assertive without aggressive: answering false allegations with evidence instead of mud
• How a temporary restraining order can set a custody baseline before it is even heard
• The mindset shift of accepting you can't reason a high-conflict ex into fairness
• Why isolation and depression hit fathers hard in these cases, and why community matters
• Rebuilding self-esteem so you can show up as your best in court

⏱️ Chapters
0:00 Intro
1:00 The misconception dads bring to family court
3:00 The kid inventory, and the shift toward 50/50
5:00 Emotional hurdles, and being assertive without being aggressive
9:00 Why dads under-document, and the "dad's diary"
11:00 The "Disney dad" label, and arguing for weekday time
15:00 False allegations and the temporary restraining order
19:00 Answering accusations with evidence, not mud
21:00 The mindset shift, and the rattlesnake
31:00 Financial destruction, going pro se, and Dad's Law School
35:00 Isolation, depression, and why community matters
43:00 Rebuilding self-esteem to show up as your best

Keep going 💜
Book a free 30-minute discovery call and we'll help you map your next steps: https://beentheregotout.com/call
📘 Been There Got Out: Toxic Relationships, High-Conflict Divorce, and How to Stay Sane Under Insane Circumstances — https://www.amazon.com/dp/194627495X
📘 Been There Got Out: When Your Ex Turns the Kids Against You (our parental-alienation book) — https://www.amazon.com/dp/1967674183

About Been There Got Out
Chris Barry and Lisa Johnson are high-conflict divorce, custody, and co-parenting strategists, and the founders of Been There Got Out. They know these cases from the inside: both have successfully represented themselves in family court. Few attorneys have a playbook for a case like this — Chris and Lisa write yours with you, so you and your kids can get through it as unscathed as possible.