Mia Poppe: Running a High-Conflict Divorce Like a Business

Before Mia Poppe agrees to run a motion, she opens a spreadsheet. One column for what the motion will cost each side, one for the odds it actually pays off, one for the months it will add to your life. Then she asks the client whether it is worth it.

Mia Poppe has practiced matrimonial law in the New York metro area for 18 years, with her office in Midtown Manhattan and a niche competency in high-conflict matters where custody is contested. She is also a member of what she calls the club: she went through a litigated custody case of her own, with young children, and came out the other side. That combination shapes how she talks to clients, which is directly, and as partners rather than dependents.

Mia and Lisa work through what it means to treat your case like a business. She describes the old, patriarchal model of lawyering, the one that tells a frightened client to sit down and say nothing, and why it costs people dearly. She explains the levels of client involvement, when it is fine to lean fully on your lawyer at the start, and why that has to be temporary. And she connects the financial waste in a high-conflict case to its hidden costs: more drama, more angst, and the toll a nervous system stuck on high alert takes on your health.

There is practical ground here as well. Why questioning a line on your invoice makes you a better-served client. How to find the trial-retainer clause most people skip. Why Mia refuses to walk a client down what she calls the parade of horribles. She and Lisa also talk about children, and why letting kids sit with hard feelings, supported by their own team, builds a resilience no parent can hand them.

As always, this is strategic education, not legal or mental-health advice for your specific situation.

🎓 What you'll learn

• Why going passive with your attorney can repeat the same power dynamic you just left
• The quarterback approach: your lawyer runs the field, you call plays with the information only you have
• How overusing even a great attorney drains money meant for your kids
• Running the numbers: putting a dollar figure on each motion, and weighing the price of peace
• Why reading your invoices and questioning charges makes you a better-served client
• The trial retainer buried in your retainer agreement, and why to read it before you sign
• How the stress of a long case shows up in your body, and why managing it is strategy
• Why you cannot shield your kids from all of it, and what actually builds their resilience

⏱️ Chapters
0:00 Intro
1:00 Strategic oversight, and empowerment at your most powerless point
3:00 "I work for you," and why you can't step off the field
5:00 The old patriarchal model of lawyering, and why it fails
7:00 The quarterback and the sideline: who calls the plays
9:00 Levels of involvement, and the cost of overdepending on your lawyer
13:00 Why you can't save your kids, and building their team
19:00 The A+ client, and mitigating cost to mitigate drama and stress
25:00 Reading your invoices and pricing out a motion
31:00 The price of peace, the trial retainer, and the fine print
35:00 Plain English, your exhaustion, and refusing the parade of horribles

Keep going 💜
Book a free 30-minute discovery call and we'll help you map your next steps: https://beentheregotout.com/call
📘 Been There Got Out: Toxic Relationships, High-Conflict Divorce, and How to Stay Sane Under Insane Circumstances — https://www.amazon.com/dp/194627495X
📘 Been There Got Out: When Your Ex Turns the Kids Against You (our parental-alienation book) — https://www.amazon.com/dp/1967674183
🔗 Mia Poppe: https://www.miapoppe.com/

About Been There Got Out
Chris Barry and Lisa Johnson are high-conflict divorce, custody, and co-parenting strategists, and the founders of Been There Got Out. They know these cases from the inside: both have successfully represented themselves in family court. Few attorneys have a playbook for a case like this — Chris and Lisa write yours with you, so you and your kids can get through it as unscathed as possible.