Your Child Isn't Lying. They're Code-Switching. Here's What That Means.

Your child cried at your house about how much they hate going to their other parent's home. Then you found out they had a great time. Or they came home from your ex's house perfectly happy, when you expected them to be upset. Or they told you one thing — and told your ex something completely different.
 
It can feel like a betrayal. Or proof that something is wrong at the other house. Or maybe it makes you doubt your own perception of what's happening. 

Here's what's actually going on — and it's less alarming than you might think. 

Dr. Jill Leibowitz is a clinical psychologist and play therapist in New York City who works with children and families navigating high-conflict divorce and co-parenting situations. In her third conversation with Lisa and Been There Got Out, Dr. Jill unpacks one of the most confusing and emotionally loaded experiences in shared custody: why children behave so differently depending on which parent they're with — and what it means for you as the parent trying to protect them. 

This conversation also addresses what happens when parents respond to the "two-faced" experience in ways that escalate conflict — even when they mean well. From reporting back what the kids said, to demanding consistency in rules, to getting pulled into a group text where the kids are being used to pressure a decision, Dr. Jill walks through the specific behaviors that keep the conflict burning and the concrete steps parents can take instead. 
 
In this conversation: 

- Why kids bring different emotional parts of themselves to each parent — and why that's developmentally normal 
- What it means when your child complains about the other parent's home (and what it doesn't mean) 
- The "code switching" concept: how kids adapt to different homes the same way they adapt to different classrooms 
- Why demanding the same bedtime, diet, and screen time rules in both homes creates more conflict than it solves 
- The group text trap: what your ex is doing and the precise way to step out of it 
- Why children who seem to want decision-making power are often overwhelmed by it — and what to do instead 
- How to be the parent your child brings their full self to, not just the brave parts or the scared parts 
 
If you've been confused, hurt, or worried by your child's behavior between homes, this is the conversation that will finally make sense of it. 
 
CONNECT WITH DR. JILL LEIBOWITZ: 

Website: https://realtkseveryday.com 
Instagram: @realtkseveryday 
Facebook: Real Talks Everyday 
 
#KidsBehavior #CoParentingHelp #HighConflictCustody #ChildTherapist #DivorceKids #ParentingAfterDivorce #CoParenting #ParallelParenting #NarcissisticEx #FamilyLaw