Is Your Ex Gaslighting Your Kids? A Therapist Explains What It Really Looks Like

"That is gaslighting — because the parent isn't thinking about what the child is going through. They're just making the child question their own reality."

That's how licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Pinkal Panchal describes one of the most common — and most invisible — things that happens to kids caught in a high-conflict divorce or custody battle. Not the dramatic stuff. The quiet, everyday moments: a comment here, a video call there, a "your mom isn't as good as you think" dropped into an otherwise normal afternoon.

In this conversation, Pinkal joins Lisa Johnson to unpack exactly what gaslighting looks like when it's aimed at kids instead of a partner — and why so many well-meaning parents do it without ever meaning to.

What You'll Learn

✅ How to recognize when a child is being fed conflicting realities between two homes
✅ Why kids describe the divorce experience as "heartbroken, dream-broken, and brain-broken"
✅ The physical and psychological symptoms Pinkal sees most often in alienated kids, including hypersomnia and eating disorders
✅ A real case example of a parent using a child to monitor an ex's dating life — and why it backfires
✅ Why permissive, rule-free homes often (temporarily) win a child's loyalty
✅ A concrete, repeatable strategy for reconnecting with a disregulated or pulling-away child
✅ Why giving your child real agency is more powerful than defending yourself
✅ The three questions Pinkal asks before recommending couples therapy after domestic violence
✅ Why Pinkal believes family therapy should happen before the legal battle, not after

About Pinkal Panchal

Pinkal Panchal is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist based in Newport Beach, California, where she runs a private practice serving clients from age two through seventy-five and older. Pinkal specializes in couples and family work, and she also facilitates a free, anonymous domestic violence support group where survivors can log in, share, and be heard without ever turning on a camera or revealing their name. Coming from a community where mental health carries deep stigma, Pinkal has made it her mission to bring therapy and honest conversation to people who might otherwise never ask for help. In her therapy room, she regularly works with children caught in the middle of custody battles and with the parents trying to rebuild those relationships.